Katie and Hayden get bath fixtures

There's still a long punch list that includes better cabinet handles, a toilet flush handle, flooring, wall tile (and, it would seem, washing my real-life refrigerator, which has picked up the Arizona Perpetual Dust Smudges)... but it's always the last ten percent of the job that drags on. Spidey is ready to declare victory and deliver the bath fixtures.

In their original form, these fixtures were somewhat more pink.

Gloria was a brand recommended on the One Sixth Warriors forum, where it was also promised that the sets take painting well, since G.I. Joe's battlefield latrine would be lipstick pink only if he were engaging in trench warfare inside a Justice store.

The plastic is on the soft and bendy side, but it cooperates with Krylon Fusion gloss white. Krylon Fusion is miracle spray paint that sticks both to plastic and to ceramics every single time, not just when it feels like it. At Michaels and Hobby Lobby, Fusion is priced as if you've crawled over broken glass to finally get to a spray paint that works on your project; at Walmart, it's priced like spray paint.

The tub has alligatoring, but that's entirely my fault. The paint job was fine except I'd missed a spot... then it sat on the ironing board for a week or two, everybody posed with it, it got moved to the counter... and really, it had too many adventures before getting its second coat.

The toilet seat opens and lifts. It is painted in a Krylon Fusion matte beige that's notably different from my regular beige only in that it sticks to plastic and ceramics every time, not just when it wants to.

The tank top lifts off. The two structural pieces -- the bottom bowl and the rim plus tank -- fit together with little posts in little holes. When these are soft plastic posts in paint-clogged holes, the posts break off. Hot glue carefully run around the inside of the seam solves the problem of structural integrity.

The vanity has storage: the doors even open. Clearly, I made it to Walmart for a can of Krylon Fusion gloss black for the "wrought iron." (Its natural white is a different white from painted parts.)

The marble counter is the result of painting the whole counter white, then smudging Testor's gray (also the faucet color), Testor's wood, and Model Master gloss black, plus a little gold paint pen. The whole thing is then allowed to cure for a day and coated with gloss varnish. The important step is to not lose hope after the first coat, when the smears of "wood" look repulsive.

The whole thing goes together with slots, tabs, and a moderate amount of swearing. It does not, at any point, require a mallet.

Alexis considers running a bath while Sophie admires herself in the mirror. There exists another sticky tile to match the one in the kitchen, but laying it waits on finalizing the bathroom layout, including whether it goes against the brown-and-black "mosaic tile" wall or against lighter-colored walls that will make the wrought iron pop.

Sophie, who still doesn't have a new dress, tests the tub for lounging size and is satisfied, while Hayden is more excited about all that under-the-sink storage.