The worst fakie in the history of fakies

We can all go home now -- the worst fakie fashion doll ever was found in San Francisco's Mission District this May. There's nowhere further to go with the concept.

The box was close to being this bad before going in my luggage.

San Francisco was so disappointing this time that I'm not inclined to schedule a day there on future California trips. The Mission's being gentrified, which means delightful hole-in-the-wall shops full of knock-offs and bargains are now boarded up or have been replaced with cocktail bars that don't open until five. During the day, street life feels more dangerous and certainly smells worse than when I last visited that neighborhood in 2015 or when I lived in the city in the early '00s.

The bonanza of fashion doll fakies have been replaced -- where stores still exist -- with 14" American Girl fakies. Since I don't do that size, I didn't get one, but I did score, for $1.99, Trendy here: a Bratz fakie who scrapes the bottom of the fakie barrel and comes away bruised.

Taller Yasmin face-palms at this new arrival.

Even an earlier Bratz fakie (second from left) is appalled. I think technically Trendy is a Megan knock-off, since her hair is reddish, but my only Megan was rebodied, so I'm using Yasmins for comparison, since I have enough Yasmins to found a complete Yasmin Civilization. There's always a Yasmin handy, chez moi.

This is the first Chinese fakie I've seen where nothing on the package admits to where in China the doll was made. Even the factory in Zhejiang or wherever is ashamed to be associated with poor Trendy. She seems to have been made for the Latin American market, or possibly for a straight-to-swap-meet future. (I haven't been to the Park 'n' Swap for over a year, so maybe Trendy is all over the place now.)

Noogie time!

Let's see what we've got here...

First, let's take off those big Bratzy boots and see if Trendy has feet, like a normal fakie, or stubs, like a Bratz.

And I'm... still not sure what's going on here. I think those are "chopstick feet," a feature of low-end Chinese fakies...

And they're certainly chopstickier than the feet of my 2015 Bratz fakie, who isn't that far off Barbie norms. The leg seams are also the most visible I've ever seen on anyone.

No surprises that hair density is low.

Body type is an amalgam of Chinese Clone Standard (tiny waist, small hips, skinny legs) and the actual Bratz body.

With patience, Trendy can be balanced to do splits, though I feel as if she's being humiliated in some sort of work camp for Bratz who failed three pop quizzes on current issues of Cosmopolitan.

Sitting happens about as well as one would expect.

Suddenly, standard Bratz face-ups look subtle and nuanced, while even the earlier fakie's make-up job appears pretty respectable. 

Poor Trendy has mitten-hands, compared to the more detailed hand on the older Bratz fakie. (She also really, really likes lip liner, maybe more than is a good idea.)

I had the brain wave that maybe Trendy is more similar to my shorter Monster High fakies, and going looking for one in storage found me a New Bratz Yasmin. Trendy does look a bit more at home with the New Bratz face-up (which is so much more simplified and less sultry than the old Bratz), but she's clearly lower quality than D'Heather, despite a loosely similar body type.

Maybe Trendy can find a peer group here.

This is the first time I've bought a fakie as a pure reference item, rather than out of love for the fakie design, and maaaaan... I feel depressed about poor Trendy. She has an aura of never been quite able to live a full and meaningful life, despite a fairly cute (if 1970s-ish) outfit.

Sometimes the requisite "aren't we having FUN now" group selfie is just... awkward.