DC Super Hero Girls "Bumblebee" needs school clothes

Bumbleebee (a.k.a. Karen Beecher) is heading to the mall for back-to-school shopping.

I'm flying there because weekend bus service sucks.

Toy Box Philosopher's review of Bumblebee's colleague, Wonder Woman, inspired me to pull out the Bumblebee I bought at Target months ago, dig through my clothing stash, and see if there's anything a tall gal with broad shoulders can wear.

My own teen shopping experiences suggest this isn't going to end well, but maybe in the fashion doll world, clothing manufacturers are kinder.

Let's see what Bumblebee finds...

First stop is Forever 21, a.k.a. where the Monster High crowd shops.

Frankie: I... don't think we carry anything like your size.

Right next door is one of those athleisure stores with yoga pants and such. The Bratz Superheroez rely on it for workwear. But the fit in spandex is much better when a girl can remove her feet to get her leggings on.

Shira: You should probably mail-order your superhero wardrobe.

Stopping in at Caché was always a risk, but if there's anybody who understands being a scientist by day and a figure of mystery by night, it should be Midnight Magic Pippa. Her dress sort of fits Bumblebee if we don't get picky about "tight in the shoulders, loose in the bust."

Bumblebee: What occasions do you even wear this for?
Pippa: It's a long story.

Nicole's quince dress is worth considering for prom, though Bumblee will need some serious sticky tape to make the bodice work, and she'd rather get it in yellow.

Bumblebee: How do you not step on the swirly bits?
Nicole: Why do you think I switched to a nice normal sundress?

Checking out the Lovely Patsy rack was disappointing: that purple is one of Bumblebee's favorite colors, but the dress is meant for a woman who's more developed "around." (Bumblebee is dreading bra shopping. Bra-fit specialists can't grasp that she has a small band size but isn't flat-chested.)

I can't even...

A stop at Walmart to check out Sparkle Girlz attire yields an outfit more suitable for Wonder Woman. It's not an awful fit, though darn, that skirt is short.

Daisy: It's actually pretty close to being that short on me, too.

A less "mini" Sparkle Girlz sundress works pretty well if a gal moves carefully to avoid nip-slips.

I think we have a win! And it's under $3.

J.C. Penney looks promising but turns out frustrating. Barbie pants of unknown provenance are uncomfortably tight.

The length wouldn't be awful in a straighter leg,
but the inseam-to-waist rise... this is NOT how you size a tall.

Dollar-store jeans have the same fit problem, and a current Barbie top is hopeless: too small at the extremes and too big in the middle. Bumblebee is starting to feel insecure about the way her figure just doesn't conform to the Barbie ideal.

I can't buy a simple knit top. What is the deal here?

Heading into the dress section gets better fit, but the shape does nothing for Bumblebee: flat-chested and hips for days. Writing a firm letter to someone about unrealistic figure types is sounding good.

On top, I'm a kid playing dress-up in mom's clothes.
On the bottom, I'm matronly. This sucks.

Heading down the mall to H&M yields a Liv Barbie (corrected per Jewell's comment) romper that actually fits and doesn't look bad, if we're willing to start from the premise that rompers look okay in the first place. It's certainly cool enough for hot Phoenix summers.

Zora: That's... kind of hot.

Bumblebee also finds a possibly-Liv, possibly-something-unknown-from-the-1980s sweater that will be fantastic for late December. It's maybe a little short for a dress, but with leggings, it's her color, it fits, it has everything.

This is the best garment I will ever own,
and I can wear it only three weeks of the year.
Which I'm going to do, EVERY SINGLE DAY.

It looks like Bumblebee can wear some careful choices in Sparkle Girlz clothes, and sharing with Barbie depends on lucking into the exact right outfit. Bumblebee is asking herself whether, if she was able to sew her bee suit from scratch, knocking out a couple dresses could really be that hard.

Time for Cinnabon! And then maybe a trip to Joann for fabric.