The First Rule of Clone Club...

Thanksgiving brings turkey, cranberry sauce, and the Buy One, Get One 50% Off sale at Family Dollar and Dollar General. This year's toy selection in my neighborhood was frankly disappointing, the highlight being...

The first rule of clone club is, we don't talk about clone club.

Drag your gaze to the bottom left corner of the back of the box. FUNVILLE. Weren't Sparkle Girlz from Funville Ltd.?

Yes, they are. Googling "Glimma Girlz" leads into a weird alternative universe of oddly familiar cone dolls and minis, to the point that I started to doubt my own reality. Had there only ever been Glimma Girlz? Had I had the name wrong all this time? Is there a glitch in the Matrix, and I've switched from a Sparkle Girlz reality to a Glimma Girlz reality? If so, what else is now different?

Apparently they've only ever been Glimma Girlz in the UK, South Africa, and probably some other countries that aren't the United States. So while we over here are sparkling, much of the world is glimmering. Or glimma-ing.

So let's unbox the Glimma Girlz Superstar Lifestyle pack (the superstar lifestyle presumably includes having a body double?) after the jump.

There were also blonde packs, and there might even have been a pair of Caucasian dolls with different hair colors, but I grabbed the darkest-skinned pair there was.

Exuding trepidation at having to meet fans.

The dolls are held to their backing with two plastic loops (mid-calf and ankle) that cut easily. More fascinating is the method of holding their hair in place with elastic that goes around the shoulders, an idea any of us can emulate at home with the help of bungee cords. Just the thing for high-wind days!

The curlier hair of the one in purple. . . they need names, don't they? This is going to drive us nuts without names. Since I have trouble remembering which young medium-brown pop singer is Ariana Grande and which one is Alessia Cara, these gals can be Ariana and Alessia. Ariana is the straight-haired one (now in aqua) and Alessia is the curlier-haired one (now in purple).

Alessia's hair is greasy with product. Both gals have incredible rooting. The shoe pic compares Alessia's shoe (fancier than a typical Lovely Patsy shoe) to an authentic Sparkle Girlz' cone-doll shoe. The cone-doll shoe is a larger size.

L-R: Sparkle Girlz cone doll, Alessia, Ariana, ambiguously brown Lovely Patsy on Fashionista body, older black Barbie on 1990s articulated body, dollar-store doll, Alessia, Ariana, Barbie's 2002-ish friend Kayla

Clearly, there's no facial resemblance at all to the cone-doll Sparkle Girl. If Alessia and Ariana look like anyone in this group, it's Kayla, but the resemblance isn't especially strong.

Naaah... not even related.

Alessia's and Ariana's body type also isn't old-school Sparkle Girlz, but it's not especially anyone else, either.

L-R: cone-doll Sparkle Girl, Alessia, dollar-store beauty, spare Lovely Patsy

 But if Kayla is the closest match on face, maybe a Barbie...

Nope, not even close to a 2002-ish Barbie body.

Damn, girl has had some ribs removed. This shouldn't stop her from wearing standard fashion-doll clothes (especially the cheap Lovely Patsy clothes that are often too small for Lovely Patsy), though Glimma Girlz feet are too big for Lovely Patsy shoes.

Movement is, unsurprisingly, limited. Sitting in a straight skirt is not a win, and Glimma Girlz had no side arm motion. Temporarily re-dressed in a Lovely Patsy tiger-print, Alessia feels the loneliness of being just a speck in the universe.

You may find yourself on a red carpet in a tiger-print dress...

Having completely covered the kitchen counter with dolls, and having become dismayed by the goopiness of Alessia's hair, I declared a mass boilwashing session. Ambiguous Brown, the dollar-store beauty, is entertaining the ladies while their hair dries.

Hair, there, and everywhere.

Fresh from their blow-outs, the ladies head out to shop for their red-carpet looks!

"We have to bring Kayla -- she has the BEST Resting Bitch Face."