Go West, Young 3/4-Scale Women!

It was a dark and stormy night in Long Beach (except for the very bright moon).

Definitely dark. Also stormy.

Mila and Kyla are punchy after the three-day drive from New England, but not so punchy that they can't be appalled by seeing the 1970s kitchen remodeling in person. Orange cabinets have got to go.

But there's a dishwasher...

Even the lobster is appalled. (We know they're from New England: they brought a lobster.)

Help me! Too much orange!

Their colonial-style furniture, lovingly collected for pennies on the dollar at barns across the Northeast, seems lost in the new great room.

We've got to put the sofa somewhere.
Under the cat seems like a good place.

The fireplace mantel is elegant, but probably not original, and all the blue-and-white pottery just feels out of place.

Bring me some Diet Dr. Pepper and an Advil, please.

There is, however, a utility room. In their old condo, there was never anywhere to put the vacuum cleaner.

The former owners must have been into extreme couponing.

The bathroom is in surprisingly good shape and may get by with just cleaning the grout.

It's very... pink, isn't it?

The master bedroom is tiny, and the fireplace probably isn't original.

Do we need a fireplace in the bedroom? It never gets cold here.

The fireplace appears to be blocking a patio door.

On nice mornings -- which are all of them -- we can sit on the patio in our nightgowns and drink coffee!

The nursery needs to be made into a game room or something. Mila and Kyla have talked about adopting, but right now, they're focused on their careers.

Also: elephant rights! What if it doesn't want to balance on that bucket?

The patio outside the nursery is in grungier shape and may require re-flooring.

This one's got a better view of the ocean... as you can tell from the rust.

Here's another exterior door that has no interior door to match. This would lead into the kitchen... except it doesn't.

Maybe it leads to an alternative dimension.

Of course, since this is California, the house has to have a garage.

Sports car or Vespa? Maybe both.

This is a 1950s T. Cohn tin litho house -- my very favorite of the tin litho houses, intended for the Jaydon-heavy vintage plastic furniture collection. It will be getting some gradual work over the next little while.